Nerves

I'm feeling really nervous today. I have my appointment tomorrow with the P.A. I haven't seen since February. I'm hoping she's not too terribly upset with me, but I'm so afraid that she'll think I'm not taking this seriously. All I can do is wait. At least the appointment is for 8:00am so I won't be making myself sick with worry all day tomorrow. I'm hoping even for just a tiny fill so that I can comfortably be on liquids for two days and get a jump start on reaching my Onederland goal set for August 27th (my first day of student teaching).

Speaking of student teaching, I got my placement and I'll be doing 11th grade English at a high school that's only about 15 minutes from my house. Pretty pumped about that. Oh and I did some Facebook stalking research on my cooperating teacher that I'll be working with and it turns out she's the head of the English department for the school. It makes me nervous, but it could be a good thing working with her if they have any positions to fill after I graduate. I sent her an email to see if  there's anything I can do to prepare for the coming semester and she asked for my phone number so she can call me. I don't really care for talking on the phone. I'm worried I'll sound like an idiot. I'm so much better in print. Wish me luck?

I'll post about my appointment tomorrow as well as post a weigh in.

xoxo

Here's the Truth

Even after posting all sorts of things about how I've wanted to get back on track and stuff, I still was treating weekends as though they were free days. Well boys and girls, going into surgery I knew that I had to make a lifestyle change and I don't think I fully accepted that. No excuses this time. I'm on day 3 of logging my food and staying under calories. However, dear Auntie Flo just came to town so I was slightly disgruntled at only seeing a .4 pound loss from yesterday. At least it's in the right direction.

I'm kind of really scared because I have an appointment on the 19th with my p.a. whom I haven't seen since February. Pretty bad considering she wanted to see me back after 8 weeks, but things came up, excuses excuses excuses, and now here we are, almost to my one year bandiversary (August 4). At my last appointment, I told the p.a. that my goal for next time was to be under 210 so that (according to their chart) I'd only be obese instead of morbidly obese. Well, my low since then was 208, this morning I was at 216.6. I know I can get down to 210 by appointment day because when I start doing things right again, the weight comes off pretty fast. I'm just nervous that she's going to be mad at me for not being in Onederland or for not coming back soon enough. I don't want her to think that I'm not willing to put in the work. Even though I haven't been doing what I'm supposed to be doing, I'm back on the band wagon now and that's what matters, right? Has anyone else had this issue?

Random Stuff:

~I want to start blogging more. I miss it. I miss you. It felt so good when I finally got caught up on all of your blogs.
~I'm trying a recipe for cauliflower pizza crust tonight. I've never  had cauliflower before. I'll let you know how it goes.
~I want to send many thanks to Trisha, Robyn, Beth, and Jen for their super sweet comments on my last  blog post when I was being a Debbie Downer.
~You should go visit Cece. She could use some love.
~Just tasted the cauliflower pizza-a bit sticky. I'd recommend cooking on parchment, but absolutely edible. I'd even go as far as to call it tasty. Think I like it better than tortilla pizzas. Thanks, Pinterest.

Hope everyone's well!

xoxo

Slowly but Surely

Hello, lovelies! Hope you're all doing well. I had a pretty good week food-wise and I did rather well with exercise, too. I even saw the lowest number on the scale since I've been back from vacation. It was a crappy 215.5 which is still higher than my all time low of 208.something, but at least I'm going in the right direction. I'd love to be in Onederland by the time I begin student teaching on August 27th. Totally doable, I think. I just need to keep myself out of trouble. And one awesome new way I've found of doing that is this:



Combining my love of Harry Potter with something as miserable as working out?! It's worth a shot. I haven't tried it yet, but you can bet your bottom dollar I'm going to. I'm actually excited about it, too. Awesome. And I know there are a few other Harry Potter fans out there, so I'm super pumped that I found this bad boy on Pinterest.

In other news, I've been doing some student teaching shopping recently and I've purchased 2 size 18 skirts. When I started this whole thing I was in a (tight) 22, probably should have been wearing a 24. I'm still only about half way to goal, but it's nice being able to at least buy smaller things and have them look nice.

If I'm perfectly honest, I'm afraid I've let myself slip with the bandster rules for too long that I'm to far removed to reach my goal. I know I shouldn't think like that, but when I look at some of you ladies, I can't help but feel like a bit of a failure. I just need to keep doing what I've been doing this week and not give in to the summer temptations-corn dogs, ice cream, funnel cakes. Sigh. I'm all stocked up on healthy foods though so there's no excuse. This time next week I want to be down at least another pound. Wish me luck!

Hope you all have a great weekend and Happy Summer to everyone!

xoxo

Obligations

I've kind of been ignoring my obligations lately; obligations to myself and to the blogosphere. I haven't been focusing on my weight loss. The eating part has been a lot better, but I'm still having trouble with exercise. However, I think I'm finally getting back on track with that. I've done two days in a row so far and I'm sure tomorrow I'll be getting some walking in. My brother is making us drive to Cleveland to go to a Pirates game. He doesn't like to pay to park in Pittsburgh, surely he's not going to pay for parking in Cleveland. So I'll probably have a sizable walk to and from the stadium. I'm looking forward to it. My brother has always been in better shape than I am so it's nice to finally be able to keep up with him when we go places. It should be a nice day out.

Even with that to look forward to, I'm feeling pretty down right now. I'm not sure why, but I'm just really in a depressed state. I'm really anxious about posting this because I feel like I've removed myself so far from blogging that I don't even have the right to get back into it. I still haven't gotten caught up on all of your blogs. It's a combination of lack of time, anxiety (it's a really daunting task trying to get caught up on sooo many posts), and the internet being ornery. I want to get caught up so much, but every time I try I let it go for a few days and get behind again. It makes me really sad because I do love reading your stories so much. I'm going to try my hardest to get caught up by the end of next week.

As for other blogging obligations, I know I owe you all some pictures from my vacation. Here they are...

Rocky in the car on the way up, sitting on top of the giant pile of everything.

My car had a canoe hat.

our site

Terribly steep hill that was rocky and dirty and scary to walk up and down. Oh, and we had to walk down it to get to our camp site. Fun times.

This is what we opened our tent to every morning.
Salmon Creek.

Salmon Creek, also where we had to bathe. SO COLD!

Ben, Rocky, and me before our 4 mile hike.

During our hike Ben took this picture. Pretty gorgeous for a place called Buzzard Swamp.

Buzzard Swamp

Post hike. I felt ok. Wasn't huffing and puffing or anything. The real pain was from the $5.00 hiking boots I bought from Walmart. Meh. That smile was so fake.

Rocky loved our 15 mile canoe trip on the Allegheny River

Ben liked it too

I would have liked it better if 1. There was more padding on my butt, 2. It didn't take 8 hours instead of the predicted 5, and 3. If I had taken more than a protein shake to eat. Ugh. I'll take a hike over a canoe trip any day.

And so, that was our vacation. Haven't been up to much since I've been back, just working, gardening, and trying to keep the house clean. I promise I'll try to be better with keeping up with your blogs and commenting. For all of you who read my blog I sincerely appreciate it and for those of you who comment, I really appreciate your support. I love you all and I hope you're doing well.

xoxo

Back to the Real World

Hey, bloggers!

I've missed you all terribly. We got back from vacation (camping with no internet access or phone reception), so now I face the scary task of catching up on all of your blogs. I felt so bad for being away for so long, but I'm excited to see what you've all been up to. I'll do a more exciting post later with pictures from vacation and whatnot.

Unfortunately, I've gained more weight. Not sure if it was due to vacation or the weeks leading up to vacation. Either way, it's bad. Up to 216.4, which is about 8 pounds higher than my lowest. I screwed up really bad and for a really long time. I know that and it sucks. However, with school being out, it's going to be so much easier to be active and to plan my meals. I haven't been logging my food and I need to get back into doing that. It's not an option, it's a must.

Anyway, I'm hoping to get caught up on all your blogs by the end of the week. Sorry in advance if I don't comment much while I play catch-up. Going to go do that now. Hope everyone had a happy and safe Memorial Day weekend!

xoxo

I'm Alive

I've been a terrible blogger, a terrible bandster, and a terrible girlfriend lately, but on the plus side, I've been a fabulous student. That counts for something, right? Just finished my last day of classes and now I just have finals week to get through then I'll have time to really focus on blogging and weight loss and spending time with my wonderful fellow and puppy.

 I haven't been posting my weights for the past couple weeks because I'm embarrassed. I'm back up to about 212ish. It's annoying. Sorry for trying to hide it from you all. I've been eating all the wrong things, plus I think I need to get in to get a fill. I haven't been in since early February because of my school schedule. We leave for a week of camping on May 19 and I'm not sure if I should try to go for a fill before that or just wait until I get back. Either way, I intend to lose weight during camping. I'm sure there will be a s'more or two, but there will also be hiking and canoeing (first time for me for both of those). I'll probably wait until we get back just in case anything were to happen while we were up there. That'd suck.

Anyway, sorry for the absence and the random babbling. Just wanted to check in with everyone and mention I'm not dead. Apparently there have been a lot of absentee bloggers lately though, so I suppose I won't feel too bad. At least I've just gotten caught up on all your blogs. I'll get back into blogging and commenting regularly after vacation.

Hope everyone's well.

xoxo

Week 36 and More Easter Pictures

Week 36 brought a gain of .5 lbs, which I'm totally fine with because TOM has been in town since Sunday. The scale said 209.0 this morning, which is ok. I'm still at more than 55 pounds lost and out of the 210s. Good enough for this week. Unfortunately, my birthday is one week from today and I'm sure I'm not going to be in Onederland by then. Perhaps by the end of the semester on May 11th? I'll aim for that. It's totally doable, I just need to actually do it.

I'm happy to say that I did keep my commitment to myself and did not overeat on Easter. My family has been great and there wasn't even any chocolate around for me to be tempted with. Daddy got me one Cadbury egg per my request. It's just not Easter without a Cadbury egg. I was in charge of dessert for our dinner, like I am every year. I typically make a lamb shaped cake but I knew that if I did that I'd end up making that awesome butter cream that I used for Anna's baby shower cake and that was just entirely unhealthy. Since we have both diabetics and non-diabetics, I made a sugar free dessert and a regular one. The sugar free dessert was pretty yummy. I'm not sure the name of it but it's layers of sugar free chocolate cake cubes with SF chocolate pudding, SF toffee candy pieces, and SF Cool Whip, and then all the layers repeated a second time. It went very well.

Dessert from the top. When I was growing up we used to have some kind of egg dye that you put drops of it on top of the water and swirl it around to create a marble-type effect on the eggs. I tried to recreate that idea with this dessert.

view from the side. yummy!

Our non-sugar free dessert was based on cake pops. I didn't want to put them on sticks so I just made cake egg ball thingies.

My dad's house was full-12 people and 3 dogs, so there wasn't much room to move around and take many pictures, but I got a couple-mostly of Michael :)

Brother and Michael

Brother, sis-in-law and Michael

My Grannie

Easter nails inspired by Miss Kayla Shevonne

Even though it was a very busy weekend, it was a good one.

Hope everyone is having a great week!

xoxo