Let Me Introduce Myself...

Assuming even one person is going to read about my life/wls journey, I figure I ought to introduce myself properly.

Hi. I'm Jackie. I'm 23 years old, I go to school full time and am studying secondary education with a concentration in English. I work a part time job caring for the elderly in my area. I was born and raised in Pittsburgh, PA. I live with my boyfriend of 4.5 years, Ben, our miniature schnauzer, Rocky, and our hamster, Hamilton. Through this wls process, I not only have Ben's support, but also that of my parents, Ben's family, my brother and sister-in-law (and I'm sure the fetus that is my very first niece or nephew supports me!), and a few of my closest friends. They've helped me jump through all the hoops thus far on this new adventure and finally, after waiting forever the six months that it takes to go through my hospital's "lifestyle class" and all the other requirements, surgery day is almost here!

Now, I've never had any kind of surgery before. I thought that I would have known in a timely manner that insurance had approved me and I thought I'd know what time I need to show up at the hospital the day of surgery and all that...turns out I was quite mistaken. Due to several major screw ups a few minor glitches involving lack of communication on part of my (now former) PCP, I just found out yesterday that insurance has approved me and everything's set to go (still don't know what time I need to be at the hospital though). Anyway, I was thinking to myself, after all the stress my PCP has caused, I really need to make this surgery be worth it. That's what I plan on doing. I've always been the girl with the pretty face or the girl with the great personality, but I'm finally taking some time and doing something just for myself to make me happy. I'm jazzing myself up and becoming a better version of myself. Some day, after we're married and I have my teaching job, Ben and I plan on having kids. I want to be an awesome mother to them. I want to be able to play with them, be a good role model for them, and damn it, I want to fit into rides at amusement parks with them! The way things are going, that's not going to happen if I keep up the bad behaviors that I've known for my entire life. Aside from that, diabetes runs on my mom's side of the family, while cholesterol and heart issues run on my dad's side. I don't want to end up with a pill box like my parents have. Seriously, my mom's looks like a rainbow, she's got so many different meds to take. I want to be happy and healthy.

That's why I'm doing this for myself. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, because I am. The highest I've been is 278 and that was last summer. The last time I remember being under 200 lb was 7th grade. When the nurse took down our height and weight and did the eye exam and all that stuff, I remember seeing the scale read "199" and I thought to my 12 year old self "Oh crap, I have to do something about this." Now, here we are 10 years later and the problem has gotten so ridiculously out of control and it sucks. But, with the support of my friends and family and with the help of the Lap Band, I fully intend to overcome this problem that is my weight. But can I tell you a secret? I think part of me is actually more afraid of losing the weight than of the surgery itself. Is that stupid?