Monday, February 6, 2012

Ready for a Make-over

No, not me. My blog! When I set up my blog, I didn't know if I'd really stick with posting all that much. I saw the background that most appealed to me at the time (books) and went with it. Now, after a little over half a year of blogging, I've decided that I'm ready for a bit of a change. I want my blog to be a fun place and while books can be fun, I've had too much reading to do lately and I just want to get away from it. The doodles are fun and girly and cute. They make me happy. Basically, I'm taking my blog from pre-band Jackie to post-band fun and exciting Jackie, the way I wish I could with my wardrobe. Here's what I mean...

This is something that I would wear. It does everything fat Jackie needs it to do: Cover arm fat? Check. Open in front to avoid buttons for fear of popping one: Check. Layers: Check. Show off the girls a bit (still in the mindset from high school that they're my best asset): Check.

My point is, I want to be more than a sweater with a pair of boobs sticking out! I want to be able to wear things that are fun. I'm 23. Yes, I'm going to be a teacher and I need to dress professionally, but I also want to be able to let loose and wear things on the weekends that normal 23 year olds wear. I want to be able to buy a pair of skinny jeans. I'd kill to wear a sweater dress with some leggings and a pair of Uggs (tried it-damn knee fat). I'd love to be able to wear something like this...

 ...without having to worry about a fatty checklist.

So, perhaps I'm going through some sort of identity crisis, I don't know. But, since I can't present myself the way I want to just yet, at least I can present my virtual-self in an appealing way. Did anyone else have issues with identity or is anyone else going through the same thing? It's so weird and I just feel like I don't know what to do about it. The only way that I've found to physically express myself is with my nail art. I'm not that good at make up. I'm practicing though. My hair is awful-curly frizzy mess. And I know I'm supposed to love myself no matter what and I at least like myself for the person that I am, I just wish I could enjoy the outside as much as the inside.

Sorry I was such a Debbie Downer in this one. It wasn't my intention when I sat down and started writing. I guess it's good to get it all off my chest though. I hope everyone has a great week. See you all again on Thursday for weigh in, if not sooner.



jennxaz said...

love the new art! I need to take the time to take my blog "out of the box" Where you try to find a new you at 23. I try to find a new me at 40...but I don't want to be 40 I want to be jennifer aniston 40 or demi moore (just not the rehab kind)!
you will find it I am sure and I can't wait for the new jackie to appear---although I do like the "old" one :)

Banded With Favor said...

Good for you for exploring, searching, and playing footsie with the inner you that wants to be expressed on the outside too. Of course we are all going to go through a bit of an ID crisis, we are becoming people we have never met, haven't seen in a long time, or just aren't sure of who we are anymore. You are becoming more confident in yourself and that is wonderful...Keep exploring, expressing and learning about the new you, you are becoming!!! Taking new risks, challenges and traveling down roads not yet taken, or were to afraid to have taken is all part of the journey right!!

A.J. said...

You aren't being a Debbie Downer. This is a real issue. With every 5, 10, or 15 pounds you lose it's like you have a whole new body. Then about the time you think you know what to do with the new body -- you lose some more and it starts all over again. And just wait till you aren't able to shop at Lane*Bryant anymore (if you aren't there already). I was an expert at Lane Bryant - I understood their styles, cuts, sizing. Then I got to where I could shop normal size stores and it felt I had never bought clothes before. The amount selection is overwhelming and all the stores have different cuts and sizes.

Then lets not talk about how much fashion trends have changed since the last time we were at our current size. (For me, I haven't been the size I am now in 15 yrs.) I had a hard time trusting my judgement when it came to clothes. So many times I didn't know if the article of clothing I tried on ACTUALLY looked or if I was just blinded by euphoria of being able to wear a smaller size. I also worried about accidentally looking like a "hoochy" when I wore something more fitted or revealing.

As for clothes, it will take time. I suggest going shopping with a friend who has good fashion sense and style that you like. However, make sure this friend is the kind of person who can honest, constructive, and kind when telling you what looks good on you and what does not.

The hair and make-up thing is difficult. At my highest weight, I didn't even feel like hair and makeup were worth my time, even though I was pretty comfortable with how to do both. At 284lbs I was like "Why bother, it's not like any amount of hair or makeup is gonna hide how fat I am?" Now I fix my hair and makeup much more regularly -- however, I am able to feel cute when I only have mascara and a ponytail going. You will get there too!!

Perhaps you reward yourself with a "mini-makeover" for your next big weight loss milestone. Maybe find a salon that will give you a cut/style that works for your life but also will give you some "styling lessons". Also, a lot of salons will provide "make-up lessons".

Sorry for such a long reply. :)

Ronnie said...

I'm with you, I don't know who I am yet, either - fashion-wise and every other aspect! I think having WLS so young is allowing us a whole new lease on life, though... we can't waste it. Wear whatever you want! :)

Anonymous said...

Same here- who am I? What clothing do I like now that I can buy stuff because I like and not just because it fits? Many of us are going through this identity crisis. You are not alone.

LaniBani said...

Love the new blog background! I feel you on the identity's like you didn't picture yourself this way by this for clothes...omgsh i would kill to look fashionably good LoL but for now - I'm sweet rocking in my jeans and a t-shirt...LoL although I swear I just look huge in everything anyway...sigh.
You're amazing Mz Jackie - we'll get there together! Here's to us having amazing weekendS looking like stunners in our skinny jeans! :)

Andrea said...

Love the new blog look!

I think we are all having to rediscover ourselves after losing weight. But you have to do that on top of being young and figuring things out in general.

Don't be afraid to try new things and take time to try new ways of doing your hair or makeup or buy outfits you wouldn't normally buy.

You'll figure out who you are in the process.